One of the first things I hear when people begin a relationship is “we have so much in common”. I’m sure you have heard this before. Well, I am here to tell you that common interests aren’t what you should be focused on.
Common Interests
Common interests can only take you so far in a relationship. If you base your relationship on those interests, the relationship will begin to crumble under the pressure of having things in common. What will happen when you and your partner love going on hikes, and you enter a phase when you don’t enjoy hiking as much anymore? Or you’re both really into fishing and all of a sudden, your partner doesn’t like fishing? What happens is people connect common interests with love. If you don’t like what I like, then you must not like me either. We might not consciously think this, but we are making a connection between those common interests and love towards that person. This is the reason so many people fall out of love. They attach their relationship to the things they have in common. Everything is great when they love doing things together, but the moment they lose those commonalities, their relationship begins to drift apart.
Common Values
The primary focus of your relationship needs to be shifted towards common values. What are values? Rosanna Snee gets into more detail about what core values are in her article “10 core values in a lasting relationship”. But, in a nutshell, values are things you believe in and determine how you live your life. Some values are things such as wanting a family, religion, honesty, trust, finances, and self-improvement to name a few (Snee).
Building your relationship on common values rather than common interests cements your relationship into something you both stand by. It creates a world where both of you believe and cherish the same things. It is much more likely you will lose interest in something 20 years from now than changing in something you believe.
When Common Interests Fail
Imagine you marry the person of your dreams. You have so many things in common, but you never or rarely talk about your values. One year into your relationship, you decide to talk about starting a family soon. You explain that you want to start having children soon, but your spouse tells you they don’t want any children. Another scenario is that your spouse believes strongly in education. They want to get their masters or PHD to further their education. You never thought about it too much and don’t consider education past a high school diploma all that important. These types of scenarios happen because people don’t align their values when they are dating. They don’t find values important enough to discuss before marriage and this often leads to divorce.
Conclusion
This does not mean you should only look for common values, as common interests help people connect. But I would advise making common values the priority over common interests. If you like video games and they don’t, it’s not the end of the world. Or if they like sports but you don’t, its’ ok. There are things in life much more important than only sharing things you both like. Think about the values in your life and don’t be afraid to ask your partner what their values are. Communication is the center of a healthy relationship.
The best time to book a flight is on Tuesday or Wednesday. That’s because most people are looking for flights over the weekend, so you can find some great deals if you have patience!
Rossana Snee. 2022. 10 Core Values of a Lasting Relationship. Lifehack. https://www.lifehack.org/868295/relationship-values.
Edward Eyer. Picture 1. https://www.pexels.com/@edwardeyer/
Luiz Gustavo Miertschink. Picture 2. https://www.pexels.com/@luiz-gustavo-miertschink-925274/